Dreaming of Babylon

The dial turns and the 29^th degree clicks.

My eyes close and a portal is opened.

My feet are wearing simple leather sandals,

climbing slowly the yellow stone stairs,

flanked with fire torches,

carved out in a long upward corridor.

At the top it opens to the darkness of the night,

to the smell of fresh air,

and flowers in the garden.

Silence envelops my being,

while now and then a cricket keeps time of the Earth's rhythm.

I stopped, 

levelled my sight on the horizon.

The full Moon was rising,

illuminating sensually the many towers dispersed in the high planes.

The stones seemed to vibrate with cool fire,

while symbols came to life.

I turned to my left and found him.

My Master.

“You see you've made it, you have, come back.

Look at the Moon and the stars,

they have been waiting for you.

Many lives have died but one is the soul. “

My eyes filled with tears

and my body shivered.

At last I have come back home...

Something about Wounds

There is something painfully magical about wounds.

Whatever nature or origin,

they have a purpose.

In that messy, deep, raw wound

there lies profoundly buried the seed of healing.

Sometimes the seed grows rapidly and relief is soon found.

Sometimes the seed needs a cycle of nature's elements,

to nudge the germination,

with subsequent closure,

and scar as a reminder.

However there are wounds that somehow,

they will never stop bleeding,

or stop being mind shatteringly painful,

beyond any words

or gestures.

Only tears are allowed,

sometimes,

some days.

It is in that alchemical moment,

where tears meets silent haemorrhage,

winds of compassion and salty water

forges fiery metal,

and the eternal bleeding

becomes a sea

of silent awareness,

and the will to overcome.

My long journey to this Winter Solstice 2012

Only the Universe knows how grateful I am to be celebrating this day.

This last year, especially the later half has been a sort of dark night of the soul. I came in contact with even further darker sides of myself.

Dark shadowy mysterious parts that have long claimed to be heard and given attention to.

It was the culmination of a nearly 12 year period.

I suffered fractures both physically and mentally.

I shall never forget the moment I fell from that bike on August 17^th 2012 at around 11 am in Veluwe, Holland , amongst those beautiful Pine trees that I had been seeing pictures of during my previous meditation practice.

I hit the asphalt with such a force that literally and metaphorically took the breath out of my life and pressed the reset button, for all, in a split second, to be irrevocably changed.

The smashing of the perceived self.

The temporary lost of physical strength and self awareness.

The humility to ask for help.

The continual stabbing pain that numbs the mind and destroyer of sleep.

The lost of a spiritual mentor.

The anger of being accused and misunderstood for things never done.

The anger of being “betrayed” by the person I thought was infallible and trusted blindfolded

The loss of a second mother that helped me find my first.

The finding of assistance from unexpected sources.

The dawning awareness that my partner has always been there in all these years silently sustaining me...awaiting for my “waking up”.

The realization that at the end of the day my intuition is right.

That there is a soft voice silently whispering images, sounds, thoughts, feelings...all to flash a way to my soul intent becoming.

The monumental step to acknowledge my desire for astrology and consequent start of years of studying. The peace and alignment I felt the moment I subscribed to the Faculty. The wonderful sense of purpose each time I sit down to study.

I bring all this and much more that can never be contained in words to this Magical Winter Solstice 2012.

I closed a chapter and starting a new one.

I am grateful to all of you out there who have helped me through, knowing and unknowingly.

Thank you.

Blessed Be!

Samhain 2012

On the eve of this new year,

as darkness enfolds the world with a tighter grip,

and obscurity is more tangible than ever:

I shall light a candle,

in honour of my shadow,

that diligently is doing its job,

even if I may not always appreciate that.

I shall light a candle,

in honour of all those who this year,

I perceived their shadow, 

looming on my heart.

Blessed be you for teaching me how strong I can be.

I shall light a candle,

for all those who I still feel angry with.

May I understand that I am no better,

and compassion is a daily soul exercise.

I shall light a candle,

to all that dense murkiness.

May I delve deep in its sordidness,
so transformation will slowly begin.

I shall light a candle,

for all my Ancestors,

who I felt so much by my side,

in moments of deep distress.

May Your presence be always a reminder,
that even if answers are not found,
and the veil still remains cast,

Home is an eternal place,

where I shall return,

and until that day, 

may I always honour,

my soul's contract for this lifetime.

Blessed Be!

An Aries Full Moon Dream

So during last night I had a dream, exactly at the time of the Aries full moon. A weird but potent dream that roughly went this way:

I was in sort of a big conference room/Norman style church. A huge gathering was taking place but I do not know if it was a worship service or a conference with a speaker.

At the end of west side (opposite the altar where the speaker was) there were a lot of old golden wooden shelves full of books, groceries and other stuff I can't describe but mainly it was books. Old looking books, seemingly full of wisdom. The shelves arrived up to the roof of the church.

All of a sudden I found myself on the very top of these shelves sitting very uncomfortably, actually precariously would be the more accurate description, with an immense fear that I was going to tumble down.

On my left (the Southern part of the church) I noticed there where beautiful stone arches, the ones you find in old Norman halls where women and not noble man could follow the proceedings beneath. People were inside these balconies. They called me to come over but I couldn't move.

As I looked down and I thought this is the day I am going to die, a tall, dark looking fellow with a black mantel on his shoulder appeared far below on the floor, on my right hand side. He looked stern, rigid but emanating tons of confidence and command that it filled the whole area including me. Although somewhat sinister looking I could feel kindness under his mysteriously dark gaze.

He looked straight into me and with a far reaching yet so delicately warm voice, he spoke out calmly:

"Can't you REALLY make it?"

I screamed "NO can't you see it is too high to jump".

He then slowly turned round, the movement causing his dark shining mantel to spread and flutter. He moved two wooden benches and put them one on top of the other just slightly right to my direct line of fall.

"Come on! Jump! You KNOW you CAN make it".

Obviously, I kept on stubbornly screaming the opposite.

All of a sudden I felt as if someone, a force just threw me down. I went into panic, bracing myself to sudden painful death.

“Oh God I am going to smash myself to death”

But something strange happened:

As I went down I realised that the fall that seemed at least 20 stories high was just a little jump that even a small child could do.

I landed gracefully with my right foot first, on the left hand side of the benches. The dark Lord watching me somewhat bemused.

I just felt so silly. A mix of emotions rushed through me. Anger for being such and idiot. Relief that I was back with my feet on the ground. Stupefied by what happened.

I turned to look at the Dark Lord, wanting to ask a million questions but all he did was slightly nod his head, smile, turn round and disappear in one of the Northern Arches.

Besides me a shopping trolley appeared. I took hold of it as if taking hold of my sanity and started shopping from the shelves of that Norman church.